My Truth Diary:
this is where all my emotions and feelings will be poured out. this is where i don't dare to be afraid to speak my mind about people, about events in my life. i've always shyed away from this pouring out of emotion, but i think its time i plucked up my courage to say what i've always wanted to say. so here goes:
i read your blog entry on 21 February, and i was stunned by the emotions that practically flowed off the words. could this be real? i've thought over the words for the past few days, and have now decided to reply to this particular entry to whom this particular person is directed. quite similarly, i left secondary school, sad and depressed. i felt like i was all alone in the world. unlike you, i did not go to work, but i stayed at home, trying my best to pick up some foreign languages, and trying not to worry about my o level results. it can get quite bad when you're at home by yourself for 3 months, with nothing much to do, because your mind is occupied with nothing.
when i finally got my results, i was filled with joy, because i finally felt like i achieved something. but now i had to make my choice as to where to go. even after i made my choice, i was still indecisive and nervous; what if i had made the wrong choice? what if JC wasn't the right place for me to be? i had never been in a co-ed school before, and i was really nervous at the idea. but i stick by my choices, and so i entered JC on that morning, feeling small and completely awed, yet excited and nervous at the journey ahead of me.
i arrived on time, as i always had done before, found my OG, and sat down. i was one of the first few in the hall, and sitting alone with 2 strangers did not really appeal to me. i stared off into space for a few moments. then i became aware that there was someone sitting next to me. my heart beat a little faster. would i make my first friend, or would i make a total muck of it, and prove myself to be a social klutz? i turned around with a smile on my face, and came face to face with you. i introduced myself, and so did you. somehow or other, we ended up chatting, and my fear and nervousness simply melted away. as orientation progressed, i realised i had found myself a good friend. i agonised over my subject combinations; i knew that we would quite likely be in different classes, since i wasn't prepared to give up literature for geography(which is a subject that really muddles me up), but i was afraid that we would end up in vastly different classes. this would mean that we wouldn't see each other so often anymore, and i really didn't want to lose this precious friend of mine.
well, we were put into different classes, but our combinations were so close that we saw each other a lot of times, and we constantly kept in contact via msn, sms, talking.... etc. people began to say that we were most likely going to end up together. my convent girl mentality came back, and i laughed off the idea at the time. then one day, felicia mentioned it again, and again i laughed it off, but suddenly this thought appeared in my mind, " is it possible? could this really come true?" the seeds were planted in my mind. but we still continued to be good friends.
i found myself watching out for you often in our common classes. whenever something happened to me, you were the first one that i would run to, no matter happy or sad. you scolded me over the number of times i sprained my ankle, the uncountable times that i bumped into walls or managed to get bruises. you never hesitated to help me over my econs whenever i had problems, and i helped you in return with your lit. you scolded me over the amount of coffee i drank. we had aimless conversations over msn, talking about silly things such as the moon, stars, sky; we discussed philisophy; we 'argued' over bunnies hopping around; we competed to see who could write the poetry most guaranteed to send one to sleep. silly things really, but i treasured every moment. you know how to make me laugh, and it makes me happy in return when i can make you laugh.
you popped the question on valentine's day. that day, i told you to take it slow. i'm not ready for this type of committment, because i'm scared. that's a truth. i don't dare to step out of the comfort zone of friendship at this moment in time. i'm afraid that i will not be a good girlfriend; that i will be unable to measure up. maybe its because i'm used to being looked down upon, but there are times when i'm so insecure. i don't know if you feel this way. but at least you're braver than me.
so i'm not ready yet. but someday, i will be. i don't expect you to always wait there for me, because time changes people. but i want you to know that no matter what happens, you will always have a place in my heart. I love you.
-angel-
ps. interpret this entry in whatever fashion you will. but i'm glad i finally said all this out. i never expected to find someone who would want me for me, but i'm glad i did. thank you.
* Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

simin blogged on 9:42 PM