hey hey! i'm back blogging after a long hiatus, did anyone miss me? hee hee, now you can read more of my entries once more! cool huh?


i actually did have a reason to blog on today, after so many months of not doing so. i recently found myself feeling a sense of longing, of want, of need so deep inside my heart that i somehow have to get it off my chest. this feeling could be tied closely with my emotional self. when i was young, i found it difficult to forge ties with a stranger, to become friends. i have always thought this was because i was too old for my physical age; it was as though i could see a different world that my peers could not. then, i fell into my first crush when i was 18. hard to believe that time has passed by so quickly. crushes never last long-though sometimes they last a lifetime--but for me, that time sparked off an acknowledgement of my phsyical self, a growing and maturing that was unexpected and frightening. i played into expectations, venturing deeper into unchartered territory. and then i found my way out.


2 years have passed since that time. and finally i've made more friends than i could ever dream of having. i'm content in their exhuberence, but sometimes i just want to be alone with someone whom i can lean on. someone who knows when to comfort, and when to leave me alone to sort things out. someone who enjoys quiet nights and meaningful conversation. i seem to have high standards, don't i? but similarly, i set those same high standards for myself. i want to be someone whom another can lean on, be counted on to provide comfort, know when to retreat, to simply wallow in the presence of another. i want warm embraces, a hand to hold, deep faith and trust, and a love to last a lifetime and beyond. oh dear, is this why i'm so terribly picky about my future partner? i'm still too mentally old for my physical body it seems: i don't want simple dating; i want commitment. if you're too scared, bugger off!


but for now, i'll just bask in the love of my family, friends, and my Lord. And i'll wait. even if it takes forever.

Labels: emotional truth

simin blogged on 6:37 PM